Story 1 - An introduction and bad cable programming.

              1) English subtitles are for pussies.
              2) Because having a sexual preference is tough when your body ends at the waist.
              3) Hey, at least it's not Reality TV.
              4) Those damn nuns... never there when you need them.
              5) They just really hated the guy's pants. It made sense at the time.

 

Filler - Randomania Madness!

              6) This is why you must read all the fine print before agreeing to have a hand                   attached to your head.
              7) Insert "small weiner" joke here.


Story 2 - Bill gets his jollies at Jolly Jesus.

              8) It would have been funnier if anyone outside of my town had ever heard of                   Happy Buddha restaurants.
              9) How they can read all those squiggly lines is beyond me.
              10) Dog poop: the other white meat... the one that's brown and is not a meat.
              11) If you wish to make a serious point, saying the word "tummy" is not going to                     help you out any.
              12) God has been really slacking on his "To Smite" list lately.
              13) They're really not so bad if you drown them in ketchup.
              14) Way to make them turn the other cheek.
              15) Your words say "I hate you", but your voice tone says "Now THAT'S a NICE                     costume!"
              16) Acts of assholery are a-ok as long as somebody's impressed.

 

Filler - Bob has boobs (or "Bobbie's boobies").

             17) Yes, apparently in Bill's dreams, boobs are contagious.

 

Story 3 - Say Hi to Lori and Kia.

             18) Choosing one cd over another could affect the outcome of your entire life... just                     think about that for a second.
             19) I'm guessing that cd will probably be the "red-headed step-child" of the family.
             20) Thick skulls require a more blunt approach.
             21) Nothing gets your mind off of the rest of your troubles like property damage.

 

Filler - Lemmings, clothing change and a semantics discussion.

             22) Yes, they really are that stupid.
             23) The lightning is symbolism somehow. No I will not explain.
             24) Deep thoughts must be hard for such a shallow mind.

 

Story 4 - 2 Extra Fingers and the hard rock stylings of "Goat Jesus".

              25) That must have been an awkward conversation the first time that happened.
              26) He'd better hope they're thinking of the same thing.
              27) The key to persuasion is knowing your audience... and then calling them gay.
              28) Presenting "The Involuntary-Month-of-Filler-Causing Comic"... aka, I am                     obsessed with insanely unnecessary details.
              29) Female crowdsurfers can never say they didn't see THAT coming.
              30) The irony! It burns and it stings like the fires of Hell! Oh wait...
              31) If a homeless man played this song on the street, I'd give that man hella                     change like crazy!
              32) It probably sucked being an animal back then... actually it probably just sucked,                     period.
              33) Filler - I thought it meant "Yassir Arafat Fighting Monkeys", as in OMG, YAFM,                     BRB!!!
              34) Jesus never was one to hold back his true feelings...
              35) Hear that? That's the sound of brain cells exploding.
              36) Boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy gains +5 Emo Points.
              37) Filler - This is your brain... this is your brain on Finals... any questions?
              38) Filler - Funny, I always thought all store clerks would be robots 50 years from                     now.
              39) What's more fun than getting the shit knocked out of you? Getting the shit                      knocked out of you with musical accompaniment!
              40) Why are you down here reading this?! BOOOOOOBIES!!!
              41) This wouldn't have happened if he were using Linux.
              42) It just wouldn't be the same without a breakdown of some sort.

 

Mini-Story 1 - Snow Blow Porno

              43) Bad foreign subtitle is many good for improve movie made of suck crap.
              44) Requirements for being a successful male porn star: 1. Impeccable timing
                    2. Penis.
              45) Come rain, snow, sleet or sexy kittens, a postman's work is never done.
              46) Those mugs make great Mother's Day gifts.
              47) That's how you go out with a bang.

 

Filler - Rascal Scooters - the future is now, bitches!

              48) It also makes motorcycle sounds when you turn the handgrips.

 

Story 5 (part 1) - Bill has a not-so-secret admirer.

              49) Not so "lucky" afterall, are they?
              50) Self-preservation instincts are vital when you live with cranky non-morning                     people.
              51) I know, I was surprised to find out too...
              52) I've heard that if you concentrate extra hard, the person you're talking about                     can't hear you. Try it out next time you're out with your friends.
              53) It's a woman's right to show her breasts whenever she pleases... or at least it                     should be.
              54) She should have figured out it wasn't really his address when he got to the 5th                     zip code.
              55) Because "You need to leave" is girl code for "I want you".
              56) Resistence is futile... and possibly sexy!
              57) Sheesh, it's not his fault his features were poorly designed...
              58) OH SNAP SON! That's like the 4th different hair coloring technique in the last 4                     comics!
              59) I'm not sure it's possible to scream like that while making out, but it sure would                     be fun to try.
              60) See, the outcome was unexpected, so that's why he's surprised... do you get it                     yet?

 

Filler - Computer problems and more stalling.

              61) Those cds make nifty pigeon shooers though.
              62) Yeah, I was so overtaken by grief that I completely forgot how to use a ruler.
              63) And so he took her off of hold and he did just that. (also, marker comic #2!)
              64) If you can spot the boobies in this strip, you get extra credit on the next exam.

 

Story 5 (part 2) - The epic catfight of epicness.

              65) Presenting: "The Two-Month-Long-Hiatus-Causing-Comic!" It's when I caught                     myself shading a detailed face in the back of a large crowd on a small poster in                     the lower left hand corner of the wall that I realized... I really am fucking insane.
              66) Your mother gave me the idea for this joke.
              67) Not sure it counts as being open-minded when you don't really have a choice in                     the matter.
              68) Filler - Shakespeare is controlling minds from beyond the grave, and he yearns                     for waffles! Quick, get out your tin-foil hats!
              69) Love is only as strong as the business card it's printed on.
              70) ...Is that a trick question?
              71) My onomatopoeia can kick your onomatopoeia's ass!
              72) At least now she has the advantage of a hard-to-grasp face.
              73) I'll make you eat your words, and they'll go straight to your thighs!
              74) Not to be confused with "Knocking Boots" camp, in which this is a pretty                     common occurance.
              75) *sings* The best part of waking up is seeing her D-cups!
              76) Filler - ROFL Waffles... They smash your ego like they smash your face... quite                     sufficiently.
              77) Inappropriate wording never felt so appropriate.
              78) His fantasy isn't the only thing that's ruined now.
              79) Is that a bar I landed on or are you just happy to see me? Because honestly,                     you don't look all that happy.
              80) Filler - Goodbye College, Hello Debt!
              81) Tsk tsk... Oh Becca, so easily distrac- OMG, nippleage!!!
              82) Because random scattered panels = Dramatic!
              83) Narrowly beating the now second worst threesome ever - Two New York                     hookers and Bob Dole.
              84) For some reason, people seem to respect you more if you have a whip.
              85) I think there'd be a little less sympathizing and a lot more uncontrollable                     laughter.
              86) ...No, it can't actually talk.
              87) Although judging by how far he can stick his foot in his mouth, he probably
                    wouldn't do too bad.
              88) That's one way to make a lasting first impression.

 

Filler - Complete WTFage: ATHF and Captain Planet spoofs.

              89) That's what I get for trying to understand something that isn't supposed to                     make sense.
              90) Just keep the kids the hell away from the toolbox after they see that.

 

Story 6 - Checking in on Kia (and assessing the property damage)

              91) This must be why the Fire Dept. is '3' on the speed-dial.
              92) What doesn't kill you makes you stronger... unless you're that burrito.
              93) This comic would be so easy to take out of context with all that white stuff
                    all over the place.
              94) Mr. Rogers always told me I was "special".
              95) Kittens have entered the conversation. Your point no long matters.
              96) Lori can't enjoy her frappuccino...

 

Filler - The Ambitious Raindrop and another use for baking soda.

              97) Take that, Mr. Pope!
              98) Baking soda may have a lot of different uses, but clearing up stupidity is                     not one of them.

 

 Story 7 - An unpleasant commute and a nasty case of tardiness.

              99) That's the last time you'll see that goddamn boner, I swear!
            100) Filler- (100th STRIP MADNESS!) Ok, so it was more like 2 1/2 weeks, but
                    who's counting? (hopefully no one...)
            101) Because thinking about what Bill's doing at any given time means there's a
                    good chance I may have to draw that damn boner again.
            102) They also don't grow rope here, but with rope of that quality, who could                     complain?
            103) Tardiness: One of my more consistent college related problems.

 

Filler - A divine intervention of the annoying kind.

            104) This is not based on a true story. This IS a true story.

 

Story 8 - The diary of a mad spotted woman.

            105) She was hoping for the "Gyrating Penatron 9000 with Dual Pleasure Heads",
                    but the whip was a lot more affordable.
            106) Filler - They're soggy and tasteless, like your awful haircut.
            107) You can't blame a goldfish for staring if they lack the ability to blink.
            108) Goldfish are hardcore negotiators.
            109) Spongebob sex toys are an untapped goldmine if you ask me.

 

Filler - A day in the life of Steve (the simple pleasures of life).

            110) If you had just spent an hour watching "Date My Mom" and "Parental Control",
                    you'd be pretty pissed too.

 

Story 9 - Guilt at first sight and more awkward introductions.

            111) Slightly ajar doors can be quite persuasive if you stand next to them long
                    enough.
            112) Does it feel a little guilty in here to you?
























 

 

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